Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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