Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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