also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
