so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I believe in your delicious
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
