I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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