the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
