I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
even my farts smell like vagina
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
