Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
