Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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