This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
