She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
