I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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