Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
