hotel room ftw
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pants are for mortals
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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