the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
