put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
