HIV tests are more positive than that guy
love makes seman taste better
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
