it was like his penis was on wheels.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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