Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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