we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
