He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
