we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
