dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
