I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
