I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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