i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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