I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
