i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
