I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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