smell my finger.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
