I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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