Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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