Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
