Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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