Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
