well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
