Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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