so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
