Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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