Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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