does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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