I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
