I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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