Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
