Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
