remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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