he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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