Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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