I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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