is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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