things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
