I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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