my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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