I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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