I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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