..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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