Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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