She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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